case study of teen boredom:
i came home from a long hard day at work (i work at an ad agency which Kristopher says is not work - he thinks all we do is play) and pulled down the driveway to the house. out came my boys: Boogie, Toby and Kristopher and in that order. Boogie and Toby are our dogs - a yorkie and a lhasa apso (see photos below). they meet me like this every day because they all think i have treats. Kristopher thinks that i am bringing him a snack from work (back to that whole i don't work thing - all we do is play and eat) and the dogs think i have stopped and picked up some of their favorite treats from petsmart. anyway, when they came to the car, i sort of glanced at Kristopher and noticed that there was something strange about the way that he looked, but i brushed it off that i was tired (from my hard day at work) and went into the house. as i went about my normal routine for the evening, i kept thinking about the way Kristopher looked. he had gone back upstairs to his room when he saw that i didn't have a snack for him. the dogs didn't care: they were still following me around and right as i was about to use the bathroom, it hit me: his HAIR was GONE!
me (screaming at the top of my lungs): "KRISTOPHER!!! GET DOWN HERE NOW!!!"
him (answering meekly): "huh?"
me (really worked up now that i realized what is wrong with him): "what in the HELL did you do to your head???"
him (realizing that he screwed up and that i have figured him out): "ahhhm... i cut my hair when i got home from school. does it look bad?"
(now, all this time while i am standing and looking up at him (he is 6'2 and i am 5'6) and he is looking down at me and rubbing his head with one hand because he is in just as much shock as i am about the fact that his head is bald!! BALD!!! like an eagle. like a cue ball from a pool set. like a light bulb. like an egg. my child was bald. i had NEVER seen him bald because he was born with a complete head of hair. he has always had big fat curls. he was now completely bald. i simply could not believe it so i asked the question again):
me (breathing harder and getting more worked up by the minute. worked up is my term for getting upset. i use it to describe any emotion other than happiness. some of Kristopher's antics get me WORKED UP!):
"now you start at the beginning and tell me how you cut your hair off and why??"
him (still rubbing the head that was now skinned clean like a chicken ready for roasting - except for a few spots where he had left patches of hair - oh it was so gross): "well, when i got home today, i thought i would trim up my hair and i found the clippers and did it. does it look bad?"
me (as i squinted my eyes and moved in for a closer look because i had now noticed that not only was his hair missing, but so were the ends of his eyebrows!!! he had cut the ends off both brows. it looked like he got carried away with the clippers around the front of his head and had come down right over the edge of his brows. this was UNBELIEVEABLE!!!) so i said: "what clippers did you use? and what possessed you to cut your hair off? this looks a mess. but i tell you what, i am NOT missing work tomorrow to take you to get it fixed. i suggest you call your Grandpa and ask him to come fix it."
- notice how i told him what i WAS NOT going to do and gave him a solution to his problem? well, i knew that solution - Grandpa - was not something that he was looking forward to because Grandpa (my dad) is a character. Grandpa lives three miles up the road from me and stresses Kristopher out whenever he comes down to the house (which is nearly every day). Grandpa is old school when it comes to anything and everything. he doesn't think Kristopher has been whipped into shape for the real world yet and he tries every moment he can to ready Kristopher for it. example: when it is time for leaves to be raked, Grandpa makes Kristopher get out the rake not the leaf blower. and Grandpa has 13 HUGE trees in his yard that takes Kristopher about a month to get raked. but i digress...
him: "ahhm, can't i just stay at home from school tomorrow and you can take me to the barber shop in the morning?"
me: totally frustrated at this point "hells to the no! you are GOING to school tomorrow because you had no business cutting your hair AND eyebrows. what were you thinking and where did you say you got the clippers?"
him: "well, i found them in the closet."
me: "closet? what closet? wait a minute...you mean to tell me that you got the DOG CLIPPERS out of the closet and cut your hair with them? what the hell???!!!"
him (still rubbing his bald head and wondering how fast it will grow back): "will using the dog clippers hurt me?"
me: "oh you just wait until grandpa gets here."
well, long story short- i went to bed because i was too worked up to go over any additional details of this haircut with him. when i woke up the next morning, i called Kristopher down to see the rescue work that Grandpa had done. sure enough, Grandpa had skinned his head. Kristopher was even more bald than he had been the night before. and he was sad. very, very sad. he had apparently spent the night regretting his brush with boredom and morning brought a new problem: it was cold. it was so cold out that the flag on the front porch was frozen stiff and had stopped flapping.
Kristopher looked out and said: "i need a hat."
me: "i suggest you find that head muff thing that you used to have or the ear muffs (which he hadn't seen since kindergarten) because it's gonna be mighty cold on that noggin of yours."
him: "how long do you think it will grow back?"
me: "3 years. now go catch your bus. and put the hat on."
note: his hair is growing back slowly and i think Kristopher really learned a valuable lesson: don't cut your hair during the winter months. LOL
toby
boogie
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