kristopher sometimes has a hearing problem. he claims that he can't hear me (or at least he pretends not to hear me when it is relevant). this is so frustrating for me because i know that he is able to hear me because i have had his hearing tested. yes i did. i was tired of him saying that he didn't hear what i said, so off to the dr. we went and here's what happened:
dr. r: (kristopher's pediatrician who, by the way, looks JUST like the actor dick van dyke so i find myself wanting to ask him about his wife laura. and YES, kristopher STILL goes to a pediatrician but that is another post for another time). "hey mama- what's kristopher here for today?"
me (the mama he is referring to): well dr. r. he seems to be having some hearing problems. he just doesn't hear me when i speak to him in normal tones. and when i ask him why he didn't do or come when i called him, he says that he didn't hear me."
dr r: (looking at kristopher suspiciously) "umhum. you don't say? well, let's do a few quick tests and see what we have here." dr r. then pulled out that ear telescope thing and peeked into kristopher's ear canals while i cringed because i just knew he would pull out a wad of wax. he seemed satisfied with what he saw so i guess gobs of wax in boy's ears are what he expects. dr r. then told kristopher to go stand in a corner and face the wall which he did. (i'm thinking, what kind of test is this?)
dr. r. (in his normal voice and not the booming one that he uses when he greets us): "kristopher can you hear me?"
kristopher: "yes"
dr. r then sent kristopher and his nurse out of the exam room to a sound machine to "officially" test kristopher's hearing. when they left, he said to me: "mama, i suspect that what we have here is a case of SELECTIVE hearing. he is just hearing and responding to you when he wants to. i believe that he can hear you but he just doesn't want to do what you are telling him to do at that time. i bet his tests will come back perfectly fine. it's what boys and girls do to their parents."
me (listening intently and thinking What the hell???- you mean the boy can hear me?? and i wasted all of this gas coming over here; wasted a vacation day; and wasted my $ for a co-pay?!!): "ok. i see."
at that moment, kristopher and the nurse came back and kristopher had candy.
nurse: "he's back and here are the test results. they look fine to me."
dr. r (looking at the test results that confirmed the fact that kristopher could hear like a whale): "yep, they are just fine. he can hear. come back when you have a real problem like a cold or something- chuckle chuckle.
me (smiling politely through clenched teeth): "thanks dr r. see you at physical time."
then i turned to kristopher and gave him the evil eye. i knew how to fix him.
as we drove out of durham and back to the country, we passed all of kristopher's favorite fast food places. when we passed mcdonald's kristopher said, "mama can we stop at mcdonald's?"
i kept driving.
we passed burger king and again "mama can we stop at burger king?"
i kept driving.
we passed bojangle's and he tried again: "mama there's bojangle's. are we gonna stop?"
and again, i kept driving. right on out of the city limits and into the country where there are no fast food places. the only fast food you get out there is if you catch a cow running. hahaha (that always makes me laugh. have you ever seen a cow run? hahahaha- but anyway...)
kristopher (looking perplexed since i hadn't answered him) touched me on the arm and said: "mama, i'm hungry. why didn't you stop and get me something to eat?"
with a smile on my face, i turned to him and said, "oh. i didn't HEAR you."
moral of the story: selective hearing isn't only for children. parents can do it too. :)
dr. r: (kristopher's pediatrician who, by the way, looks JUST like the actor dick van dyke so i find myself wanting to ask him about his wife laura. and YES, kristopher STILL goes to a pediatrician but that is another post for another time). "hey mama- what's kristopher here for today?"
me (the mama he is referring to): well dr. r. he seems to be having some hearing problems. he just doesn't hear me when i speak to him in normal tones. and when i ask him why he didn't do or come when i called him, he says that he didn't hear me."
dr r: (looking at kristopher suspiciously) "umhum. you don't say? well, let's do a few quick tests and see what we have here." dr r. then pulled out that ear telescope thing and peeked into kristopher's ear canals while i cringed because i just knew he would pull out a wad of wax. he seemed satisfied with what he saw so i guess gobs of wax in boy's ears are what he expects. dr r. then told kristopher to go stand in a corner and face the wall which he did. (i'm thinking, what kind of test is this?)
dr. r. (in his normal voice and not the booming one that he uses when he greets us): "kristopher can you hear me?"
kristopher: "yes"
dr. r then sent kristopher and his nurse out of the exam room to a sound machine to "officially" test kristopher's hearing. when they left, he said to me: "mama, i suspect that what we have here is a case of SELECTIVE hearing. he is just hearing and responding to you when he wants to. i believe that he can hear you but he just doesn't want to do what you are telling him to do at that time. i bet his tests will come back perfectly fine. it's what boys and girls do to their parents."
me (listening intently and thinking What the hell???- you mean the boy can hear me?? and i wasted all of this gas coming over here; wasted a vacation day; and wasted my $ for a co-pay?!!): "ok. i see."
at that moment, kristopher and the nurse came back and kristopher had candy.
nurse: "he's back and here are the test results. they look fine to me."
dr. r (looking at the test results that confirmed the fact that kristopher could hear like a whale): "yep, they are just fine. he can hear. come back when you have a real problem like a cold or something- chuckle chuckle.
me (smiling politely through clenched teeth): "thanks dr r. see you at physical time."
then i turned to kristopher and gave him the evil eye. i knew how to fix him.
as we drove out of durham and back to the country, we passed all of kristopher's favorite fast food places. when we passed mcdonald's kristopher said, "mama can we stop at mcdonald's?"
i kept driving.
we passed burger king and again "mama can we stop at burger king?"
i kept driving.
we passed bojangle's and he tried again: "mama there's bojangle's. are we gonna stop?"
and again, i kept driving. right on out of the city limits and into the country where there are no fast food places. the only fast food you get out there is if you catch a cow running. hahaha (that always makes me laugh. have you ever seen a cow run? hahahaha- but anyway...)
kristopher (looking perplexed since i hadn't answered him) touched me on the arm and said: "mama, i'm hungry. why didn't you stop and get me something to eat?"
with a smile on my face, i turned to him and said, "oh. i didn't HEAR you."
moral of the story: selective hearing isn't only for children. parents can do it too. :)
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